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"I would prefer the fires of hell to another night with you Lord Blanchforth," she replied."Oh, then so be it!" I agreed, "So be it!" I turned away from her, "Come the morning I shall find you a suitable situation as a whore."Anger filled me but weariness overwhelmed me and quickly the darkness engulfed me and I slept dreamlessly until the grey light of morning roused me.My waking roused her, she was laying against me, and arm across my chest, "I was cold," she explained awkwardly as she moved away from me. "Would not the honest toil of the servant be more godly than life as a whore?" I asked kindly."I am not a whore!" she insisted, and added with childlike naivety, "In time I shall marry well and be entirely happy, and I shall leave this place with joy in my heart when my majority is reached!" "Am I so repulsive?" I asked earnestly, "That you would prefer to serve all instead of serving me alone?" "Indeed," Miss Harcourt replied, "For Madame L'oiseaux shall recognise that I am no. You run as fast as you can in your heels to your car and drive home as quickly as you can.You lie awake all night thinking about it; trying to rationalize what happened. You convince yourself that your feeling of revulsion confirms that you are not a faggot. Maybe this event will help you stop the cross dressing. For a few weeks after, you resist your stash of women’s clothing. You tell yourself that you’ve shaken the habit.Then, one night alone at home, you feel bored. A little frisky! Just like one drink can’t do any harm with an alcoholic, just dressing one more time to relieve the loneliness; the sexual tension built up over a few weeks of abstinence; and the boom, can’t hurt. Can it?You find yourself reliving that night. Aroused by the sexual intensity, the girly ness; the sassiness and the humiliation of it. And the intense and nauseating feeling of worthlessness and shame when you have ejaculated into your pantyhose.You thought that when you married and settled into married.
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